Top Ten Reasons to Hate the Falcons

Why just root for a team?  Does anyone just choose a team to pull for?  Don’t we also have to mix the love for one team with a little bit of hatred for some others?  We love our Carolina Panthers, yes!  Let’s also throw in some hateration for those teams we face so often.

That’s what this NFC South-hating series is all about!

Today, it’s the top ten reasons to hate the Atlanta Falcons.

The countdown begins after the jump.

10.  The Dirty Bird?  What is that?  Really?  Okay, so they created a cute little “dance” once upon a time choreographed to the music of MC Hammer.  Who will ever forget it?  Shoot, who will ever forgive it?  Not me!  Then they go and take it to a whole new level with that stupid, childish, Jamal Anderson dance that we were forced to endure all the way to Super Bowl XXXIII.

9.  One word – Atlanta.  Okay, I changed my mind – more than one word.  Have you driven through Atlanta?  It’s one of the most insane propositions in automotive history.  I would feel safer in Beirut.

8.  Dome teams are soft!  Let’s see, how many times has a team that plays their home games in a dome won the Super Bowl?  Twice?  Not enough to get these dirty birds a championship!

7.  Somebody please tell me what that thing is on Arthur Blank’s face!  Here is the co-founder of Home Depot and he can’t afford a little Just for Men to at least make it dark enough to show up?  Is he trying for a Rhett Butler thing?  Maybe a centipede died on his lip.  Whatever it is, he should shave it or call an exterminator.  Here’s another look at that growth.

6.  Atlanta is home to the company that Blank co-founded, Home Depot.  I have been wondering about a couple of things with them.  First, why do I feel like I’m in a dungeon or a cave when I’m in one of their stores – do they not want me to see the prices listed on their items?  Second, why did I find gummy bears at the register?  Who are these for?  Do the contractors who come in to haul away a load of lumber start yelling, “Oh!  Look!  Gummy bears!”

5.  Going to a game can be bad enough.  Staying overnight could be like playing with your life.  The city of Atlanta ranks 12th in murder in the United States.  They also rank seventh overall in violent crime.  I don’t know about you but if I’m going to see a game in Atlanta, I’m travelling in a large group surrounded by body guards.

4.  Interesting statistic – Falcons’ fans ranked their team 119th out of 122 professional sports organizations.  Only three teams were worse!  (Detroit Lions, Toronto Maple Leafs, New York Knicks)  How sad is that?  Only franchises with guys as bad as Isiah Thomas and Matt Millen can be ranked behind the Falcons.

3.  What are their fans upset about?  Coaching.  In the midst of a terrible season filled with one problem after another and one loss after another, Bobby Petrino pulled a Nick Saban and quit in the dead of night.  He ran off to Arkansas.  He didn’t bother to speak to the players.  Instead, he chose to pin a note in each player’s locker letting them know that he was crawling out of Atlanta on his belly leaving behind a five-year, $24 million deal.  Even Rhett Butler was upset about it, “The best way to describe how we feel is betrayed and let down.”

2.  Five words – Ted Turner and Jane Fonda.  Most multi-millionaires (or billionaires) are, in some way, really annoying.  Mark Cuban is, um, Mark Cuban.  Bill Gates has billions but a $3 hair cut – go figure.  Ted Turner has that voice that shatters glass while his ex-wife, Jane Fonda, has been causing nausea for decades.  At least Ted has the decency to live out of state.  Jane Fonda is like some bad cock roach they can’t get rid of in Atlanta.

1.  Michael Vick.  I’m not sure I need to say anymore.

Help me out.  Did I miss anything?  Leave your comments below.

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Tags: Arthur Blank Atlanta Crime Atlanta Falcons Bobby Petrino Dirty Bird Jamal Anderson MC Hammer Michael Vick Mustache Ted Turner

  • Walker

    Micheal Vick should have been mentioned at least twice.

  • John White

    I thought about making Vick numbers 9, 7, 5, 3 and 1 but I had so many other reasons to hate the Falcons to list that I figured I better just list him number 1.  LOL!!!

  • PigWigMgr

    Are we forgetting their complete dickheadery? They play like losing would kill them (at least against the Panthers) so they are extra brutal. I understand it’s a physical game, but a lot more “unnecessary” hits come from the Falcons than any team I’ve seen in a long while.

  • John White

    PWM, I suppose I left out the “complete dickheadery.”  My bad.  I’m glad you pointed that out.

  • ATL resida

    HATERS!!!!!!! All Panther Fans can go suck a dick. Another thing, the list wasent even funny. For the 12th most murderous city in the U.S. we seem to have more class than Carolina because we dont slander other teams in the NFC south on our free time. Get Some Class!!!

  • Mike Houston

    The 12th most murderous, but the #1 homosexual. The Falcons have built a legacy of losing. Four winning seasons in the history of the franchise( two with Vick). The team couldn’t even win with Deion Sanders and Andre Rison. So don’t come on this website talking big shit, when people are trying to have a little fun. As a matter of fact…..You suck a dick

  • http://CatCrave Matthew

    I’m not going to diss the city of Atlanta.  However, the Falcons do suck and have always been more hype than about results.  Michael Vick could have never taken a team to the Super Bowl.  I’m looking forward to this season because the Falcons are so weak in so many areas, they are going to get ass raped by a lot of teams.   

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  • nick

    first of both teams have gone to super bowl and had there asses kicked so panther fans can shut there mouth. second we all compete in the nfc south the worst division in the world. third why would i hate my falcons because we rank 12th in crime, plus ted turner has nothing to do with the falcons. and if you go to atlantafalcons .com we have no articles bashing the panthers or andy team because we have class. and we hold a winning record over your team all-time

  • Charlie

    what I dont understand is how spiteful you can be. yes the falcons arent the greatest team but we can have the decency not to dish dirt on your precious franchise

  • Falcons HATER 09

    I just saw the falcons beat the jets I am so mad but happy you mad this website. I HATE the falcons [stupids]

  • Nick vega

    Why u hatin on the falcons. And WTF does James Fonda have to do with the falcons! I mean really u have that little of a life to come up with reasons why u hate a team u really have no part of? Have some class