Top Ten Reasons to Hate the Saints
By John White
You knew we couldn’t end this series of hateration without hating on all of the teams in the NFC South, right? Our Carolina Panthers face these guys twice a year.
This leads us to the third installment dedicated to the New Orleans Saints, and, yes, we can think of ten reasons to hate them too.
The countdown begins after the jump.
10. Uniforms! What are those black on black things you’ve been wearing? I swear, you guys look like some third-rate college team or, even worse, a high school team. We understand that it’s not something you wear all the time but please stop!
9. Who can love a team that is that bad? Really! In your history, you have a winning record against only one NFL franchise – another team on our hateration list, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Saints have no better than a .500 record against every other team in the league. Man, can you suck anymore than that?
8. Thanks! Yeah, right! You gave us a man who we can forever leave off our Christmas card list – Archie Manning. Yup, it’s two guys who sprang from his loins who have been there staring at us, mocking us, killing us during every single commercial break. And not only during the NFL season but even during the offseason. We never get a break from seeing Eli and Peyton in like 80% of the ads on TV. It’s killing us! Please make it stop!!
7. You really thought you had something, didn’t you? Oh, yeah, ya’ thought those Texans screwed up and let Reggie Bush fall to you, huh? Not so fast! He’s become the poster child for overrated. Talk about a guy not living up to the hype. Try this on for size – he has a 40.9 yards/game average. Ouch! The overrated-ness doesn’t stop there. His paltry 3.7 yards/carry average also looks nothing like a guy who should be drafted number two overall. Forget that. He shouldn’t have been drafted in the first round.
6. And we thought Atlanta was bad! Check this out – the city of New Orleans ranks third in the US in murder. Man, I’m not so sure I’m coming to Mardi Gras next year. Thanks but no thanks! You should consider a new slogan. Something like, “New Orleans, come for the party. Leave in a body bag! Think of it as a party favor!”
5. Um, was that Mike Ditka, one of the most respected coaches of the last 30 years, that you drove to the point of wearing a wedding dress? Oh, wait! That was your prized running back in the dress (the other, uh, hem, franchise running back the team thought they had) and the coach in the tuxedo. And the headline on that magazine cover “For Better or Worse?” Yeah. Seems that it was mostly worse.
4. Speaking of Ditka, you guys have a habit of turning good coaches, even great coaches into a laughing stock. You made Ditka a loser (128-68 in Chicago; 15-33 in New Orleans). You turned Bum Phillips into a loser (59-38 in Houston; 27-42 in New Orleans). And you took a Hall of Fame coach in Hank Stram and turned his life upside down (124-76-10 in Kansas City; 7-21 in New Orleans). Could it be something in the water?
3. You did mistreat our quarterback. Jake Delhomme never had a chance in New Orleans. We’ve written about it already so we won’t belabor the point.
2. More on coaches. Who can love a team with only one winning coach in its history? Sean Payton better be careful. His 17-15 record is awfully precarious. One false move and he’ll be in the same boat with every Saints’ coach who came before him.
1. Not everyone knows this. If they did, they would probably hate the Saints too – the team came into existence because of a deal with Congress! Yeah! Like Congress can provide us with great entertainment! I’m sure they know something about football too, right? Apparently not.