10 Reasons to Laugh at the Cincinnati Bengals

I ran one of these 10 Reasons to Hate lists a couple of weeks ago, and it received a lot of attention! So we’ll see what Bengals fans have to say on this beauty. But there won’t be hate this time around. Instead, I’ll provide 10 reasons to laugh at the Bengals. I didn’t do one last week for the Buccaneers. I felt bad for the team that finished last in the division, as I was uber-confident that Carolina could beat them. Well, I was wrong. So they’ll get a list before the next meeting. I almost wasn’t going to do one for Cincy either, but this one was my inspiration to give the Bengals some special attention. I kind of felt obligated, as the Bengals’ blogger at WhoDeyFans.com wasted 20 minutes of his life on our 0-2 team.

10. Terrell Owens: Fairly self-explanatory, and not a reason to hate the team, as much as a reason to be enamored with the team, while waiting for this ticking time-bomb to explode. I’ve said TO will divide the locker room of every team he’s on, and for the most part, he’s done just that. He’s not named Team Obliterater for no reason. Already Chad Ochocinco, who obviously is not familiar with how to count in spanish, is playing the part of Robin to TO’s Batman. How demoralizing is that? I can already tell you that Pacman Jones is the Joker.

9. The team is a halfway house: Cincinnati is where convicts go to play football, upon returning to the NFL. If your team has a “problem-child” player on it, you can be almost certain that at some point soon, they will be playing for Cincinnati.

8. Stripes are more than a fashion statement: The tiger stripes on the helmets, jerseys, and in the endzone also serve as a reminder to the former convict athletes. For some, they feel right at home when they step into the endzone.

7. Orange color in uniform serves three purposes: Nice blaze orange color, Bengals. I saw a Cincinnati hoody that was mostly orange, and when I looked at it, my eyes about burned out of their sockets. But there are many reasons for this absurdly brilliant orange color they use. Fans can wear the orange to go hunting on Saturdays, the players can wear it while serving their community service picking up trash alongside the road. Finally, the main reason for the brilliant orange color, so an offending player can be easily picked out of a lineup.

6. Bengals in Ohio: Really? Aside from the football team, when was the last time a Bengal Tiger was seen in Ohio…ever? The zoo doesn’t count. At least there is a species of panther that has been seen in the mountain region of the Carolinas.

5. Are there strip clubs in Cincy? Pacman Jones will find them, if he hasn’t already.

4. 1-1: Cincy is only 1-1. The Bengals lost to the New England Patriots, and barely beat the Baltimore Ravens. Relax. The Super Bowl is roughly 20 weeks away. A lot can happen between now and then. TO could have this team dismantled by Week Eight.

3. Chad Ochocino getting owned on Twitter:

@jonbeason I’m gonna run yo ass over on Sunday, don’t come or get in my way!!! I’ll hurt you son, if you tweet me back it’s on 4 real!!!
@OGochocinco we train together, you watch the film…. CHILD PLEASE!
@jonbeason that’s the scary part, we train together so you know what time it is, you from the U but I am the U, as in Unstoppable
@OGohcocinco c’mon ohco, yeah your right I am a part of that U fam. U remember what happened the last time you crossed a 52 from the U!

Remember this hit Ocho?

2. New holiday: Ocho Cinco de Mayo!

1. The Bengals have cheerleaders: And they aren’t that hot.

Follow Cat Crave on Twitter @THECatCrave.