Kalil’s Super Bowl Guarantee

By now, most of you have heard about Ryan Kalil’s Super Bowl winning “guarantee” as he took out a full-page ad in the paper to proclaim such. While refreshingly old-school since he did so in the newspaper and not via Twitter or Facebook, it’s certainly not a new phenomenon.

Before Super Bowl III, Joe Namath made his, most famous, guarantee. A reporter was talking with him about how good the Colts were, and his guarantee wasn’t a planned thing. He just said something like “The Colts are a great team, but so are we, and we’re gonna BEAT those guys. In fact, I guarantee it.”

His Head Coach at the time, Weeb Ewbank, said “Well, I coulda shot him!” – Namath – for giving the Colts something to light a fire under them. Namath replied, “Coach, if those guys are in the Super Bowl and need something EXTRA to get them going, then they ARE in trouble.”

That’s a Brief History of Time here. Many, many copycat “guarantees” have come up, all across the sporting arenas in all sports.

The one thing I’ve noticed about them is that they ALWAYS ALWAYS FAIL.

This is true. I’ve yet to see a chest-thumping “guarantee” work out. EVER.

Remember Vince Young’s “Dream Team” that went 8-8? I thought so.

What was Ryan Kalil thinking? Supposedly, he had been thinking for some time as he prepared a written statement that went to the Charlotte Observer. What about, we may never truly know.

I saw a tweet where Packers’ guard T.J. Lang said something on the order of “It’s foolish to guarantee something you simply cannot guarantee.” That puts it in the proper perspective, considering the team he’s on. Before the 2011 season, everyone had the Packers winning it all. Ask Mike McCarthy or Tom Coughlin how that went.

I can understand Kalil’s confidence in a young, talented squad. I can understand his excitement at the upcoming season with Cam Newton having a year under his belt.

What I can’t understand is a veteran player drawing such scrutiny to a talented but highly unaccomplished young team.

The playoffs? (insert Jim Mora rant video)

Going from 6-10 to Super Bowl champs is not just a tall order. It’s a massive one.

The Panthers arguably will be playing in the toughest division in football. Sure, the Saints have offseason troubles but Drew Brees is signed and they’ve done everything possible to stabilize things. The Saints won’t be a pushover. There are none of those in the NFC South.

Tampa Bay spent the most money of any organization in the offseason and apparently had a great draft. With new Head Coach Greg Schiano, they’ve changed the culture on Florida’s west coast and gotten a lot faster on both sides of the ball and particularly at outside linebacker.

Atlanta will be Atlanta, and Carolina hasn’t even shown an ability to stop the run yet. Certainly, with Beason and some young DTs coming off injury, plus adding Luke Kuechly, they should improve but they’ve done nothing on the field yet. The secondary badly needs playmakers and it’s a pass-happy league.

No, the Panthers might possibly make the playoffs but that’s not going to be easy considering their division. Even so, they’ll have to contend with the Giants, who can pressure Cam all day long, and with Green Bay, who can throw on anyone all day long. Chicago has improved. I already discussed the division. Then, there’s always San Francisco, who added bushel-baskets full of skill players to a team that was only a play or two from the Super Bowl LAST year.

Add in to the mix whatever “surprise” team the NFC may have – Tampa Bay is my pick – and the road to the Super Bowl is marked with tire-shredders, potholes deep enough to bottom out in, and 18-wheelers that can and will run you flat if you get in the way.

Ryan, it’s nice to know you’re confident, but, ah… *insert Dr. Evil*

All right, ZIP IT! When a problem comes along…you must ZIP IT! *whip crack* ZIP IT GOOD!

I’m sure your teammates will enjoy your quieter side for a while.