RG3 Best in NFL Madden Madly Says

Well folks, just be glad that former Raiders Head Coach, football analyst and gaming household name John Madden “retired” several years ago. Apparently, he has taken a play from Brett Favre’s book and “unretired” – at least as far as analyzing football prowess goes. Be thankful only his name appears on the wildly popular series “Madden NFL.”

On his (I think) Sirius XM radio program, Madden went on one of his patented left-field rants…and kept bearing left waaaay into foul territory. And yes, I’m mixing metaphors with tongue firmly planted in cheek.

First of all, he called beating the New Orleans Saints in the Superdome a “near-impossible task.” The Saints went 13-3 last season and yes, they were 8-0 at home, 5-3 on the road. Last year. Before Bountygate hit. When they had Head Coach Sean Peyton. Before they forfeited their top draft picks.

Get the picture? These aren’t your 2011 New Orleans Saints, and their defense was bad LAST year.

But he wasn’t done. The rant continued.

“And at some point, I have to admit that I said this, it just came out, I said ‘RG3’s the best player in the NFL today.'”

Umm…at this point, his producer in the studio should have checked the lock on the liquor cabinet. A Hall of Fame coach espousing the virtues of a guy with a FULL NFL GAME, mind you, under his belt…as the best the NFL has to offer.

*channelling passed pitchman for Oxyclean Billy Mays* BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE!

Madden continued: “You know, the thing that he did that was so amazing was he reminded me — and I don’t mean to throw names around — but he reminded me of a Tim Tebow that can pass…You know, Tim Tebow, when he was playing for Denver last year, he would tend to freeze the defenses, because they weren’t sure if it was run or pass, if he was gonna hand off or run. I mean, he couldn’t pass like RGIII — [Griffin] can throw the ball — but he has a tendency to freeze the defense.”

To listen to the old man rant, you would think he’d never seen a QB with legs before. RG3 is the first QB that can pass AND run?!?

April 16, 2011; Tuscaloosa, AL, USA; Alabama Crimson Tide former quarterback and football legend Kenny Stabler (12) throws a pass to warm up for the Quarterback Challenge during halftime of the annual A-Day Alabama spring game at Bryant-Denny Stadium. Crimson beat White 14-0. Mandatory Credit: Kelly Lambert-US PRESSWIRE

Okay, let’s see…no, there sure weren’t any of those back in Madden’s coaching heyday. No Kenny “The Snake” Stabler, whom Madden himself coached. No Fran Tarkenton. No Roger “the Dodger” Staubach. He went to the Naval Academy then was forced to play a 4-year stint with the Los Angeles Dodgers, thus the nickname. I’m sure that’s how he got it, right? A bit later, I suppose Randall Cunningham was just a mass hallucination as well? John Elway, Joe Montana, and Steve Young were about as mobile as a fence post as well, correct? No wait…that one was Dan Marino. Marino DID make my grandmother look rather speedy, but she was only about 70 in Marino’s heyday.

And did we all suffer the SAME mass hallucination on Sunday? Namely, the one where RG3 runs up the middle or off tackle 30 times and plows into linebackers, knocking them down as he gains an extra few yards falling forward on being tackled? The Redskins are running a 21st-century-style wishbone offense a la the Denver Broncos of 2011?

AND HE CAN PASS BETTER THAN TIM TEBOW TOO?

Sept. 9, 2012; East Rutherford, NJ, USA; New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow (15) warms up before the game against the Buffalo Bills at MetLife Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Debby Wong-US PRESSWIRE

Heck…Blaine Gabbert can do THAT…or Ronnie Brown, for that matter. Antwan Randle-El….and yes, my 90 year old grandmother lacks arm strength but she’s pretty accurate out to about 2 yards. Running? Eh, no…not so much, but the NFL is a young man’s game.

Robert Griffin III was named the offensive player of the week, yes. However, I don’t think he has the Rookie of the Year award socked away JUST yet…let alone NFL MVP. Griffin had a great first game, sure. He had 320 yards passing which is an amazing feat for a rookie.

I guess Madden missed Cam Newton’s first game last year. He had over 400 passing yards against the St. Louis Cardinals. I suppose Griffin can prove it next week against the Rams, who at least have better corners than the Saints. Then again, Cam holds the record for passing yardage by a rookie with 432, in his second game – against the Green Bay Packers. And ya know, I heard a rumor someplace that Newton can run, and he can throw the ball better than

my 90 year-old grandmother

Tim Tebow too.

Okay, has Madden lost his mind or has he now officially pulled a Chad Johnson/Chad Ochocinco move by dropping the last 3 letters of his last name?

He’s sure acting like it!

Just in case you want the full effect of the blithering, it’s here in the Washington Post.

Read at your own sanity’s peril.